This was started MONTHS ago – I think it was my first PJs writing spurt. Where I was nicknamed ‘The Poet’ – though it’s not a poem, weirdly enough. I’ve added on since then, & may have to revisit for a part 2. But, here I present my “Playground Rules of Life”… Have a read, enjoy, learn, believe, argue, maybe see the world a little differently – or, you know, just waste some time reading another lengthy Laura list!!!!!
THE PLAYGROUND RULES OF LIFE:
Some people will NEVER like you – no matter how much you try to impress them – share your toys, let them cut in line… They’ll do so, with thanks, but it’ll be forgotten a moment later. I had this hit home when graduating from high school & was trying to photograph my classmates. Someone asked what I was doing, & I explained “I just want to take a picture of everyone”, they replied “Just take pictures of the yearbook pages”…. pffftttttt – was the sound of my ego deflating.
There are some who will NEVER participate – they’ll find the doctors to write a note – get them out of class or work. Can everyone say “Stress Leave”????
You will be judged on your appearance, and, as much as you deny it – you will judge others by the same.
In EVERY group, there will be leader(s), follower(s) & those just there for the ride & amusement.
People will ALWAYS gather around a fight or tragedy – and root for whomever seems to be winning.
In EVERY group, there will ALWAYS be the “weird kid with the fedora.”
Those who hang around the fringes are probably the most creative, unique & independent-minded individuals you’ll ever meet…IF you gave yourself the chance to know them.
Sycophants abound – recognize them, play nice, but DON’T get sucked into their destructive games. They will throw you under the bus in a second, and easily fill your position.
There will ALWAYS be teacher’s pets – be one at the risk of being the scorn or envy of your peers.
There will ALWAYS be the “Odd Group” – & they will be having more fun than the “Popular” people will EVER experience (NOTE: Fedora kid may or may not be included in this group)
The smartest & the dumbest are NEVER the happiest, but MAY BE the lonliest.
There will ALWAYS be the “Girl with the Hotdog” rumor.
People are ALWAYS willing to trade for what you have – EXCEPT liverwurst!!!
Someone will ALWAYS deem what is cool & “acceptable” – it’s up to you to decide whether to adopt it.
Nice guys may finish last – BUT they FINISH!!!!! The “Rebels” will burn out, fade away, or just not make it to the finish line!
Outside family-specific events – it’s NEVER cool to have your parents show up at social gatherings
The “COOL NEW THING” will either fade quickly, or become so common it loses its allure – either way, it’s no longer “cool”
If YOU come up with the “COOL NEW THING” – your claim to it will be disbelieved in less than a day!
Tests & “assessments” are never a true indicator of a person’s abilities, but merely a way for the PTB (Powers that Be) to attempt to quantify & separate individuals
In group projects there will ALWAYS be slackers & those willing to do extra work to make up for them
The quiet ones observe – you have NO IDEA how much dirt they have on you!
Being considered “Nice” is a social death sentence – You are seen as harmless, weak, an overall pushover
We torture the ones we like the most (except, of course in Sexual Harassment cases)
It is usually more complex & expensive to try to ‘be cool’ – instead of using a paper bag to cover your textbooks, you make mom buy the spanking new Rainbow Brite covers, your Nano, which is SO last year, MUST be replaced with an IPhone, your clothes MUST be bought at Express – N-E-V-E-R Walmart!!!!
EVERYONE wants the opposite of what they have – if only for a day. Straight hair to curly, poor neglected rich girl, to poor & loved, dumb to smart & smart to dumb, alone to surrounded by people… Screw it, appreciate what you have, because someone is ALWAYS gonna be better off… and someone is sure as hell gonna be worse off than you.
There will ALWAYS be bullies and victims. Bullies need to be taken down a peg, then friended: they’re insecure, and their muscle could help out in dire situations. Victims need to be forced to stand up for themselves, triumph instead of cowering, and also friended. They will always remember where they come from, & their compassion will be invaluable.
As horrible as faux pas & social ineptitude are – NO ONE wants to be the “Smelly Kid”, or to be near him. Pig Pen’s inclusion in Charlie Brown’s religiously-insinuating/old man club was a farce!!!!! The “Smelly Kid” will be ostracized, tortured, made fun of (not necessarily to their face)….left bars of soap on their desk… I know because we had one in our class…. Nice guy, but…..
There will ALWAYS be fairweather friends & those who are the perfect “Backups” – I WAS one – people would be my “friend” for the week they were fighting with their “Real” friends… Ah, good times those were.
Some people know how to throw an AWESOME party – then there are those of us lucky to have 2 people show up out of the 50 we invited…and bought food & booze for… rented out the pool at the gym your parents went to for your sweet 16…. haha – All aboard the Bitter Train! Whoo-hoo!
Musical ability is cool… unless you’re playing non-stop polka accordian-style (Unless, of course, you happen to be Weird Al Yankovic… in which case you’re too rich & famous to give a crap)!!!!!
There will ALWAYS be people who refuse to play by the rules, cut in line, ‘borrow’ lunch money, copy homework…and schmucks are we for letting them get away with it. WE MUST BAND TOGETHER TO STOP BACKSIES!!! DEATH TO CHINESE CUTS!!!!! (NOTE: that is NOT death to people!!!! Let’s get that straight)
Someone will ALWAYS be picked last – if you’re buddied up with the captain, there’s a better chance it won’t be you ( even if you suck!)
If you pretend to know the ‘cool new thing’, NO MATTTER how convincing you think you sound – you will be found out & ridiculed even more than if you’d admitted ignorance. To this day, I STILL don’t know if “Beat Box” was a group or if they were just referring to the style… I felt like an idiot, and of course, was treated as the poser I was!!! One of MANY schmuck moments in my sad, sad attempts to ingratiate myself…
There is ALWAYS that guy who tries WAY too hard to be liked. We had one we used to talk about and after each failure, we’d affect an accent & ask “Am I socialy acceptable yet?” Sadly, he never was, but his highlights included – joining drama (I know, pretty standard), accidently smashing his head through a window at school (I kid you not!!!! And, let’s not forget those windows are frosted!!!), and, his coup – having to be helped across the stage at graduation by the school nurse because he fell off while riding on top of a moving car… OH CC, WHERE ARE YOU NOW?!?!?
Those with the pushiest attitudes & strongest lungs will eventually get their way. Why???? JUST TO SHUT THEM UP! No one wants to deal with the brat, so we just let it go. FUCK THAT!!!! Let them scream, holler, throw their stupid tantrum & SAY NO!!! It’s time we stopped that shit! NIP IT IN THE BUD!!!!!
There will ALWAYS be that kid who prefers to stay inside with the teacher during recess. A crush? Fear of being rejected? Sun allergy??? Why not talk to him & find out!
There will ALWAYS be that person who’s allergic to EVERYTHING… mentally, at least! Munchausen by proxy, perhaps? Help this person live & experience what they fear….. but beware – SOME of the conditions may be real!!!!!!!
There will ALWAYS be that creepy kid who eats his boogers or bugs, stares or smiles at nothing, or just plain freaks you the fuck out….. Proceed with caution, he really MAY be a psycho!
It’s not a victory when everyone gets an award…. My ‘achievement’ in 3rd grade… not “Nicest girl”, or even “Good Helper”… but “Girl Who Writes the Funniest Poems”, which, I believe, was based off of ONE I wrote about Snoopy…
Team Building events can be fun – I wish there were more “Field Days” in the grownup world… I was a crabwalk CHAMPION!
There is ALWAYS that awkward picture or story you wish never existed – that someone will exploit until the day you die! (and NO, I was NOT the “Hot Dog Girl”… though rumored to be a relation)
Some people will ramble away & steal your lifetime, suck away your soul if you let them go on & on… & on, & on….
haha.. OK, I’m done…for now!
As always, feel free to comment!!!!