repost: PRODUCTION: In a blink, it was over

Hello my loves, friends, family, random readers.
We officially wrapped production on “Fairfield Follies” 10-27-14. After a harrowing, challenging, and downright PITA preproduction period, I came to set leery, nervous & ready for “fight” to kick in (there was no way  I was resorting to “flight” after all I’d put myself through). Miraculously, I left set calm, happy, amazed, yet sad that the chapter ended so soon.
But, I digress.
This is not about the uglies, but instead a thank-you note wrapped in a love letter…with random bits thrown in for good measure.
************************************************************************************
If you’re not a reader, or, for my actor friends who pick out the highlights AKA:
“Bullshit”  “Bullshit”  “MY PART”  “Bullshit”  “Bullshit”  “Bullshit”  “MY PART”  “Bullshit” “The End”….. Here’s the short version:
THANK YOU. From the bottom of my heart. THANK YOU. Whether you were on set, a financial supporter on indiegogo, a friend who supported me personally, or a film lover who dug the concept of the movie – THANK YOU!!! You are the foundation for this amazing experience, and the reason that I’d repeat it in a heartbeat.
************************************************************************************
And, now, for the nitty gritty.
We shot our first scene Friday, Sept 12, 2014. It was one scene, 2 actors, and portions of our ever-revolving crew. This was the warm-up, and could possibly set the tone for the entire 12 days of shooting.
Holy crap. This was happening!! After over 1 year of pre-production limbo. I was beyond ready, right? Yeah. I think so. Andddd…… “ACTION”! The actors were ready, took direction well & we wrapped the first day unscathed! *please be a good omen* *please be a good omen* *please-for-the-love-of-all-that-is-good-in-the-world-be-a-good-omen*
Day 2: Nearly ALL cast members, extras and more of our crew. THIS was the true test. Smooth sailing? HAHAHAHAHAHA!
FUCK NO!
3 actors no-call, no show.
1 actress had to leave early
2 toilets overflowing
3-car caravan to my house so people could pee
35+ people looking to me for wardrobe choices, setups, and direction
Insanity-inducing, right? I would think so. Little did they know I was already crazy!
But, then, this amazing thing happened. Many of you heard/read this before, but it makes it no less true:
There came a point within this chaos that I took in the fact that I was surrounded by this amazing, excited, dedicated and easy-going group of people. They WANTED to be there. They WANTED to do well. Come hell or high water, they were going to GET IT DONE!!!
I can’t tell you when exactly it happened, or how, or even why, but there was a moment that I changed. I. LET. GO. 
For those of you who know me personally, I must repeat:

• I,


• Laura
• Ayn Pepper
• Unreservedly
• Relinquished
• All


• Anxiety, angst, panicky side-glances searching for possible quicksand & booby traps
• Yielding,
• Nay,


• Propelling myself
• Entirely into the
• Precipice of the unknown.
• Perceiving powerful possibilities, I
• Excitedly
• Relished the freedom of


• Letting others
• Earn my
• Trust, respect, love and awe as they


• Graced me with an inspiring display of
• Ownership, professionalism, caring, familial togetherness.

As elusive as it seems to be for me, I believe in love. I believe in magic. I believe magic spans far beyond sleight-of-hand and mind fuckery. I believe love is magic. I believe music is magic. Nature is magic. Laughter is magic. And, in the non-creepy way, hugs are magic. There are so many opportunities to see it in action, because it’s always around. But, most of the time we’re not lucky enough, or perceptive enough, or too wrapped up in bullshit, to realize it’s there.
But, sometimes – in that rare moment that you’re able to get past your own drama, ego, angst, obsessive thoughts – whatever –  –  – you see magic in action. Maybe it’s in your peripheral vision, or a quick glance to a genuine smile. Or, you don’t see it at all – you just feel it, or experience it subconsciously.
By the 3rd hour of that first full day, I was enveloped in a cocoon of calm. Regardless of the clusterfucks that were thrown our way, I KNEW we were going to pull this movie off. I KNEW this group wasn’t going to let me down. I knew I could do this!
Folks – this is NOT my M.O. This was magic. It was powerful and wonderful and wholly unexpected – & I dare say, it  enveloped the entire production. By the end of the day, the ensemble was a family. A twisted, entirely dysfunctional kinship, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
The feeling of ‘rightness’ did not leave me during the entire production period. I dealt with problems as they came up, but I was no longer actively looking for fires to put out. I know I can’t properly express how much that means, but try to understand, it is the world to me. A world I wish I never had to leave.
But, I blinked, and I was transported back to ‘real life’. I barely have a recollection of physically BEING there. I have memories of every day, though the tactile, tangible associations fade. I get flashes of watching the flat words on a paper transform into a living, breathing entity. Poorly melodized lyrics given form and beauty, transcending my hopes & expectations thanks to a talented composer & dedicated singers.
My baby – who owes her life to 4 dozen doting godparents, took her first unsteady breaths. She didn’t even cry –  she just giggled. A lot. Hell, she’s already toddling, and impatiently waiting for mommy to get her ass in gear & finish getting her ready for the world. What a frightening, terrifying, and downright paralyzing thought.
“Don’t fuck it up” – the best & worst advice I’ve ever been given. I mean, have you SEEN the kids of today? Sure, mine is metaphorical, but still! Bitch is probably going to be on the pole before her sweet 16! Nope. No pressure at all…
Crap – sorry…. a bit of a tangent. I do that. Constantly.
Anyway, I’m getting emotional & tired, so we reach the denouement of this ramble. I sure as hell didn’t do this alone. In fact, I felt like I didn’t do much of anything on set. I left it to my capable cast & crew. They didn’t let me down, and deserve my thanks, appreciation, and dedicated focus on not fucking it up in post!
So, here goes:
THANK YOU – Indiegogo supporters – you helped ease the financial burden of a project that was otherwise funded out of my own pocket.
THANK YOU – to Jerry & Maria at the Oaklawn Grange for working with me to secure the perfect location!
THANK YOU – to my cast who came prepared, cooperative, easy-going. Special appreciation to those who trusted me to take you beyond your comfort zones. 
THANK YOU – to my last-minute actors who stepped in & KICKED ASS in their roles with zero prep time!
THANK YOU – to my crew who kept me on track. I trusted your experience & suggestions, knowing you would make this the best movie possible!
THANK YOU – to my filmie friends who took time from their own projects to help out on Fairfield.
THANK YOU – to my multi-faceted actors. Many of you helped behind the scenes, and deftly wielded my boomstick when you weren’t in front of the camera. You gladly took extra work off my plate when you could, and for that I’m grateful. I’d list you all, but I’m afraid of missing someone!
THANK YOU – Pat O’Hara for delicious sustenance to get us through!
THANK YOU – Phillip & Joshua for helping us make beautiful music….to pretty fucked-up lyrics
THANK YOU – to my personal support system (especially my parents, who watched me go through one of the most difficult periods of my life). Family, friends, actors, crew – and, quite honestly, you’re all a combo of the above. YOU are the reason this film was made. YOU made me excited and motivated to get it done. I reached out to many of you when I hit low points or seemingly insurmountable walls. Thank you for not letting go.
THANK YOU – to everyone on set for constantly surprising me with wonderful moments of inspired incidents & the many fits of laughter I experienced.
THANK YOU – last, but not least, to my powerhouse duo: Jill & Angela – you were there from the beginning. Thank you for seeing it through & keeping it going!
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU with every fiber of my being. I love you all & apologize if I missed anyone. You ARE appreciated!
and…that’s a wrap! Post-production officially starts tomorrow with another new experience: “The Logging of the Footage”. Wish me luck!
Peace & love,
Laura

​